A Guide to Talk Dating Like Generation Z: 51 Hyperspecific Terms for Love, Sex and Bad Behaviour

This year marks a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed guide to the terms gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who choose against having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral traits indicating a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your decision to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday repulsions that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {